Desperate Haven
by andrastaie
Summary: Warden Elissa Cousland finds herself in the middle of a war she never wanted to be a part of, leading an army of the faithful against a threat she doesn't even yet understand. From start to end, this is the story of how the once Warden-Commander figures out how to put the world right. Again. Rated M for typical game violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

Elissa thrashed in her sleep, nightmares and memories tormenting her as they always did. She woke then with a start, a strangled gasp escaping her lips as her gaze whirled about wildly. A sudden thud set her instincts ablaze and in a flurry of movement, Elissa flew off the bed. Blankets were tossed aside as she reached, in vain, for the knife she usually kept under her pillow. Gone. But in spite of coming up empty, she launched herself forward at the intruder.

Sweeping the intruder's legs out from under them, she followed the lithe figure down. One knee shoved forcefully against the other's chest. It was only when a terrified cry penetrated her senses that Elissa's haze of sleep dissipated. Her eyes widened in surprise, her hard gaze softening into an apologetic one. The one beneath her, a young elf girl, was practically sobbing in terror. Elissa rolled off and up to her feet, offering a hand to the girl. The elf, still looking quite stricken, ignored the offer and scrambled up on her own. Staggering backward, the young elf was babbling something about Cassandra between gasping sobs.

Elissa's eyes narrowed, brow furrowing in thought. Then it struck her as everything flooded back. The memories of the last couple days, what lead up to being… well, here. She looked around again, nodding absently to the elf. The girl took that moment to bolt, ignoring the dropped box and charging out the door like a hoard of darkspawn were on her heels. Elissa sighed and frowned. She never had been good at first impressions. She still could remember the first time her mother had introduced her to family friends. She'd accidentally spilled an entire drink tray on Lady Landra's new dress while trying to "help" Nan serve their guests. Fergus had teased her for a week solid for that one. Elissa shook her head, the bittersweet memory allowing a gentle chuckle to bubble forth from her lips.

Pushing the memories away, she focused on dressing herself to find Seeker Pentaghast. Across the room she saw her gear had been stacked up and breathed a weighty sigh of relief. Padding to the items, she picked through them until she found her knife and daggers. Tucking the knife into her belt, she then slid the daggers into the sheaths in her boots. And after tying off the last of her boot laces, she righted herself and headed for the door.

As it turned out, leaving the shack they'd put her up in through the front door ended up being the worst decision. Elissa squinted at the line of people, lifting an arm to shield her eyes from the bright sun glinting off the fresh snow. Memories and visions flashed behind her vision. Sounds filtering in with the hushed gasps and whispers that reminded her of the Landsmeet ten years ago. Of the coronation that followed the fall of the archdemon. Of the meetings with nobles in Vigil's Keep. All the blood rushed out of her face as she swallowed the large lump forming in her through. Panic was starting to edge in and fray what calm she could generally present herself with.

Elissa stood frozen in the doorway, pale as a ghost as she stared at the near hoard of people. Her vision swam. The people out in front of her beginning to waver in and out, to flicker between reality and memory. Faces she knew plastered over nameless people. This was wrong, all of it so very wrong. Her fingers twitched slightly, the rest of her body tensing and ready to bolt. To flat out run away from this place. This place. Elissa blinked and managed to move her gaze about, to force herself to focus on the landscape and not the people.

"Shit," she muttered. Haven. More memories. What she wouldn't do to get away from them. And perhaps remember why she was even here in the first place. Because she sure as shit couldn't recall how she'd even gotten to this point. Her memories were sparse and vague. She recalled Seeker Pentaghast telling her she'd stepped out of the fade. She had vague images in her head of ugly tears in the Veil, and general piss-poor memories of everything that happened leading up to now. But before that, she had nothing. She didn't even remember coming to Haven or the Temple. Let alone be able to explain why she was there.

Elissa inhaled a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She said a silent prayer that the sick feeling in her stomach would go away and allow her to do what she intended - go find Cassandra. She took one step, then two more and for a brief moment it all began to settle and feel normal. Until she could hear the whispering. Could actually discern what they were saying. She felt light headed and paused in her march forward when she felt her knees begin to buckle. Luckily for her, a guardian dwarf was on the lookout.

"Ah! The Shieldmaiden awakens," Varric called out as he scurried over to her. He offered an arm about her waist in support, which Elissa gladly took with a weak smile. "Let's get you to the Seeker before she tears Haven apart looking for you, shall we?"

Elissa felt only slightly more at ease standing in the war room. Slightly. The flood of memories was not as powerful here, but it still lingered. Ever since introductions were made, she'd been unable to peel her eyes off the Commander. And, by now, it had gone far beyond the point of necessary politeness. He wasn't even talking. The jabs to her ribs from Leliana did little to distract her. In fact, it wasn't until Leliana resorted to a good throat clear that Elissa's attention jarred. Blinking, she looked at her friend, then glanced around and saw all eyes in the room were on her. Well, shit.

Cassandra cleared her throat and started again. "I _said_ that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good."

"Which _means_ ," Leliana emphasized, "we must approach the rebel mages for help."

Cullen growled, catching Elissa's attention yet again. "And I still disagree. The templars could serve just as well."

"We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark-"

"Might destroy us all. Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so-"

"Pure speculation."

Elissa's head began to spin again. She rubbed her temple, groaning under her breath. How did she end up in this mess? How? Always her luck.

" _I_ was a templar. I know what they're capable of."

"I agree with Cullen," Elissa interjected. She flicked her gaze from Leliana to Cassandra, only glancing at the Commander from the corner of her eye once.

"Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet." Elissa realized she forgot about Josephine already, her gaze flicking over to the Antivan. "The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition - and you, specifically."

Elissa narrowed her gaze, lip curling slightly. "So ignore them. We don't need Chantry support, we need-"

"We _need_ ," Josephine interrupted, "to expand our influence."

"Which will be difficult if Chancellor Roderick has anything to say on the matter." The disgust in Cassandra's tone was clear, the curl of her lip nearly mirroring Elissa's.

"He can't still be on about 'the prisoner must be taken to Val Royeaux' nonsense, can he?" Elissa asked, a disgruntled disbelief edging into her voice.

The other women in the room exchanged glances, Josephine clearing her throat and speaking up first. "Some are calling you the "Herald of Andraste" and that frightens the Chantry. The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you."

Elissa's eyes widened. She'd once found the ashes of Andraste herself. At the very temple that now lay in ruin. And only _now_ did the whole of Thedas decide she was some Maker-sent prophet? Andraste preserve her. She scowled, shaking her head. "And just how am _I_ the "Herald of Andraste"?"

"People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing," Cassandra explained. "They have also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste."

Slowly, Elissa turned her incredulous gaze on the Seeker. But before she could even get a word in on the matter, Leliana beat her to the punch.  
"Even if we tried to stop that view from spreading-"

"Which we have not."

Leliana cleared her throat. "The point is, everyone is talking about you."

"It's quite the title, isn't it? How do you feel about that?" Cullen asked, arching a brow at her.

Elissa swallowed the lump in her throat, fidgeting nervously. This was just what she needed. Some fancy title to draw attention to herself. "It's… unsettling."

Cullen chuckled, "I'm sure the Chantry would agree."

"Regardless," Josephine emphasized. "It limits our options. Approaching the mages or the templars for help is currently out of the question."

Right. Of course. Because nothing was ever easy when Elissa Cousland was involved. She sighed as the meeting progressed with discussions of how to proceed and the best people to approach. By the end, they finally agreed to head for the Hinterlands to find Mother Giselle. With luck, she'd be as useful as Leliana suspected and this whole mess could get onto a better track. Elissa also found herself rather grateful at the mere notion of being able to get away from Haven.

Dawn's first light was just barely beginning to filter through the clouds, casting Haven in a dim light. Elissa sat atop a small stack of crates near the spot the Inquisition had cleared for training. Knees were pulled up close to her chest, arms wrapped loosely around her legs. She rested her chin on the tops of her knees, watching as the recruits went through their morning drills. A gentle morning breeze ruffled her dark locks, and she relished in the crisp air.

Periodically she found her gaze drifting to the Commander as he barked out orders, or demonstrated a new exercise. He was impressive. And more and more Elissa found herself glad he'd been made general of the Inquisition's army. This suit him, of that fact she was now certain. He'd come a long way from the young templar she remembered during the Blight.

Her eyes fluttered back to the recruits. There was a myriad of men and women in the ranks. Some former templars, others that had likely once served as soldiers for their homes, and even some still who'd never picked up a sword or a shield. All were here for the Inquisition. To do the right thing for Thedas. _If only it had been this easy ten years ago_ , she mused to herself with a grim smile. Another bark from Cullen brought Elissa's attention back to reality, her gaze narrowing on the soldiers. It was becoming more clear that they had divided themselves. Templars were easily spotted clustered together, and very few raw recruits seemed dispersed throughout the more veteran ranks.

Elissa frowned at this and unfurled her body, sliding down off the stack of crates she'd been watching from. She crossed the clearing to where Cullen was pacing back and forth, clearing her throat when she got close enough. "Might I have a moment, Commander?" she asked with a slight inclination of her head.

He nodded, offering one final command for his recruits before stepping aside with Elissa. "What can I do for you, Herald?"

Stifling the urge to cringe at the title, she smiled instead. "The recruits," she began, nodding her head in their direction. "I noticed there's a division among them. Perhaps it would serve everyone's best interests if they trained and learned to fight beside more than just their familiar brothers and sisters in arms?"

She watched him as he looked over the recruits, his hazel eyes seeming to study each and every soldier. Elissa rocked back on her heels, then forward on her toes a couple times as she waited. Watched, curious what he would do. After a long, quiet moment, he nodded in agreement.

"You bring up a good point," he affirmed. Giving her an appreciative nod and a smile, he turned back toward the recruits.

Hiding a grin, Elissa spun about and trotted back to her perch on the crates. As she climbed back atop them, she could hear new orders being issued as the recruits were forced to shuffle their positions in the ranks. Her happy smile then tugged at the corners of her lips as she situated herself once more. Elissa's eyes darted about as new soldiers came into view, studying each one as the exercises resumed.

Well into mid-morning Elissa watched the recruits training. She'd stepped in once or twice more, though each time at the request of the Commander. She'd help him demonstrate a few new tactics for the recruits, then retreat to her perch to continue observing. A few other times she'd ducked into the ranks when she saw some of the younger men and women struggling. These were the ones that would need the most attention, she knew. Each of them seemed quite appreciative of the Herald of Andraste's attention whenever she jumped in. Fixing posture, positioning, even the way they held their swords and shields.

Each time she did so, Elissa would catch a glance from Cullen. Every time, she realized, there'd be a pause and hesitation in his own instruction as he watched her. She brushed it off, after a while hardly noticing it was happening as she focused on aiding those that struggled the most.

By midday, sweat had pooled on her brow. The clouds had long since vanished, and the sun beat down from high in the sky. Elissa had long since stripped the bulk of her platemail, now down to the basic leathers she wore beneath. Stepping away from the last batch of recruits she'd been helping, she set down her sword and shield by the crates she'd occupied earlier. Wiping the sweat away from her face with the back of her hand, Elissa righted herself.

Turning, she twitched in surprise to see one of the soldiers standing just a couple paces behind her. Elissa blinked, looking him over. He was a young man, though certainly not as young as a few of the others she'd seen in the ranks, tall and a mess of dark hair. Elissa canted her head in curiosity.

"Herald?" he asked, as if unsure who he was really speaking to.

She blinked, waiting expectantly. "Yes, what is it?"

He cleared his throat, folded and then unfolded his arms from across his chest. "I, uh…" Behind him Elissa could hear some snickering. She peeked around him to see a small cluster of recruits snickering amongst themselves. Her eyes came back to the recruit in front of her when he hissed in annoyance.

"Would you spar with me, Herald?" he finally blurted out.

Elissa raised a brow, but nodded. The snickering subsided into surprised, hushed whispers. Turning a moment, Elissa grabbed her sword and shield.

"What's your name?" she asked, turning back around to face him.

"Carver."

"And you can call me, El," she said with a smile.

The hushed voices of the recruits had subsided, but it was clear a small crowd was gathering. As her gaze flicked from the crowd to the recruit before her, Elissa did not miss the slight hints of pink that colored Carver's cheeks. She idly wondered if he'd lost a bet. Or perhaps he'd been challenged, dared.

"Are you ready, Ser Carver?" she asked, raising her sword and shield in a battle stance.

He nodded to her, unsheathing his greatsword and taking up a ready stance. By now it seemed everyone nearby had paused what they were doing. Interested to see what would come of this. Elissa even saw the dwarf, Varric, appear in the crowd to watch. She could swear, just as she was looking away, that she saw him shaking his head. Unaware the gesture was meant for Carver and not her.

Carver lunged first, arcing his sword downward toward Elissa. She deflected it with her shield and pushed upward, setting him reeling backward to regain his footing. With a grunt, Elissa followed through to swing with her sword. Carver parried with relative ease, and swung again toward her. This time Elissa danced backward, but the sword tip grazed across her upper arm. She hissed in surprise. A small welt formed under the torn leather, blood rising up through the wound. The pain, however, was minimal and with hardly a flinch, she turned and deflected another blow with her shield.

The large sword connected with her shield, yet rather than reel back with it for another swing, Carver flattened the blade and pushed. His left hand came off the hilt and splayed out across the blade where it lay across her shield. Elissa's eyes widened in surprise and she quickly worked to readjust her footing, bracing against her shield and leaning her weight forward against it. Her feet began to slide on the ground, having no good purchase to cling to.

Finally the pressure relented and as Carver leaned backward, he lifted one leg up to kick toward her chest and push her away. Elissa ducked and rolled to the side, Carver's foot connecting to nothing as it came back down toward the earth. A growl of frustration dropped from his lips as he regained his composure to swing again.

Elissa was back on her feet, lunging forward again. And this time as she lunged, she gave a powerful swing with her shield. Seeking to knock him off balance. It connected with a powerful _thump_ against his back and succeeded in driving him forward. A few stumble steps later and he pulled himself back to center and swung around in a wide arc. Metal clanged against metal as she parried with her sword. Once more she lunged for him and this time she did so with the full force of her weight. With all the momentum she could muster.

Carver let out a loud grunt as her shield smacked into him again. His sword dropped from his hands and as Elissa followed through on her lunge she discarded her own sword. Carver tumbled forward, landing in the dust with a loud grunt and audible _oof_. Elissa came down on top of him, her shield clattering away. With the air forced out of her lungs as she collided against his armor, she lacked the chance to roll away, and now laid sprawled atop him in a rather unceremonious fashion.

There was a grumbling beneath Elissa and her eyes widened. "Shit, sorry!"

Scrambling to her feet, she tried to get off of him when she felt a pair of strong arms heft her up to her feet. As she came up to a normal level, she realized Varric had jogged over to them and was kneeling down to examine Carver. Elissa, herself, mumbled a 'thanks' as she was set back on her feet. Looking over her shoulder she caught a glimpse of a familiar sight. A furred surcoat. She withheld an annoyed groan at herself as she realized just who it was that had helped her up. Turning her head back she saw Carver had sat up and was rubbing one of his shoulders.

"What made you think this was a good idea, Junior?" Varric was asking as he looked Carver over for any serious injuries. Apparently, Varric was a mother hen. Elissa stifled a breathless laugh as she filed that knowledge away for later.

The young man was waving the concerned dwarf off with a series of 'I'm fines' and 'please stops'. Elissa cleared her throat and held out a hand, which Carver graciously took and she helped haul him back to his feet. Elissa opened her mouth to speak, to thank him for the bout, but Carver retreated quickly. A frown creased her lips instead, gaze dropping down to Varric. The dwarf sighed, shaking his head and trotting after Carver.

"I'll talk to him," Varric muttered as he disappeared.

"I wouldn't take it personally."

Cullen's voice behind her gave her a start. Slowly Elissa turned to look at him, realizing he was still standing rather close. "Honestly, he's likely more embarrassed by Varric," he added with a chuckle.

Elissa added her own light laugh. "Sounds like there's a story there."

The remaining crowd had since scattered, resuming their duties or training exercises. Elissa turned around, tipping her head back slightly to peer up at the Commander. She'd heard Cassandra recruited him in Kirkwall, she'd also heard that Varric had come from Kirkwall. Apparently in Varric's case it hadn't exactly been willingly. At least if the way he and Cassandra argued told anything about that story.

"You were in Kirkwall before this," she said. "Did you know Varric and Carver?"

"Not well, I'm afraid." He shifted slightly in place, one hand resting on the pommel of his sword. "I knew Varric was friends with the Champion, but little else. We've spoken more since I joined the Inquisition. And that's largely at Varric's insistence." He gave a derisive snort. "Apparently I spend too much time with a serious expression on my face, and it's bad for my health." Next came a roll of his hazel eyes and Elissa stifled another laugh.

"Carver I knew better," he continued. "He was… also an associate of the Champion's."

Elissa arched a brow at him. It most definitely sounded like there was some sort of story there. She got the distinct feeling he knew much more than he was letting on. Therefore, against her better judgment, she found herself pressing the conversation. With whatever little sense she had left on the subject, however, she opted for keeping it somewhat vague. For now.

"What was Kirkwall like?"

Cullen appeared to mull over the answer. Elissa watched him intently, praying to the Maker that he'd not brush her off now. Lucky enough for her - or perhaps by some divine intervention - he decided on how to answer her question.

"While I was there, Qunari occupied and then attacked the city, the viscount's murder caused political unrest…" he started with a sigh. "Relations between the mages and templars fell apart, an apostate blew up the Chantry, and the knight-commander went mad." There was a pause and Cullen shook his head. "Other than that, it was fine."

Elissa stared, surprised at almost casual tone he used to describe everything. She'd heard about what had happened - who in their right mind hadn't - but she never knew details. And details were what she craved. Especially when whispers had pointed to a former Grey Warden, one under _her_ command had been the aforementioned apostate.

She chewed on her lower lip a moment as she formulated her question. "What happened between Kirkwall's mages and templars?"

"You can't be serious," he started, narrowing his gaze. "You were at the Conclave. You must have heard people speak of it."

Elissa frowned. The Conclave. Something about that memory felt off. _Missing_. Maker, she couldn't even place why she had been there in the first place. Not anymore. Rather than show her distress at this, however, she gave Cullen an indignant huff.

"Yes," she drawled out slowly. "But you were _there_."

He gave a heavy sigh in return, pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand. "There was tension between mages and templars long before I arrived. Eventually, it reached a breaking point."

Elissa squinted at him, folding her arms across her chest. Cullen sighed again.

"There was fighting in the streets. Abominations began killing both sides." He shook his head. "I don't know what you expect me to say. It was a nightmare."

"What happened then?" she pressed.

The mounting frustration in his posture and periodic sighs were not lost on Elissa, but she was going to push him as far as possible. Until he told her to sod off and find someone else to bother. Perhaps nicer, if his demeanor since she'd arrived said anything about him, but Elissa was going to push all the same.

"The templars should have restored order, but red lyrium had driven Knight-Commander Meredith mad." Cullen paused again, cheeks puffing slightly in annoyance to see Elissa still peering up at him. Doe-eyed and eager to hear his story. "She threatened to kill Kirkwall's Champion, turned on her own men. I'm not sure how far she would have gone." He paused once more, this time closing his eyes. " Too far," he concluded with a shake of his head.

"So you opposed her?"

"I should have seen through Meredith sooner." Elissa saw his jaw tense as his eyes opened. "But I stood with the Champion against her. In the end."

Her eyes dropped to the hand on his sword, he seemed to be gripping it tighter. She lifted her gaze back up to his face to realize he was looking at her expectantly this time. _Likely thinks I'm going to ask him more mad questions_ , she thought to herself with a sigh.

"I… that was all I wished to know," she admitted. For now, she reminded herself.

A long silence pervaded the space between them. Elissa blinked up at him, shifting slightly from foot to foot. Unsure if it was time to beat a hasty retreat. The way his brows pulled together, however, he was clearly lost in thought as he stared back.

"Then if you'll excuse me," he finally said. Inclining his head with a small nod, Cullen stepped back and moved away from Elissa.

She let out a long sigh, watching the commander only a brief moment before she went about gathering her weapons and armor. Cassandra was likely to come looking for her soon so they could depart for the Hinterlands.


	2. Chapter 2

The trip to the Hinterlands certainly didn't top among her favorite visits. Between bandits, templars, and apostates all at odds and taking advantage of the situation... Elissa was certain she was going to go mad. With a labored groan, she slid off her horse. A nearby soldier scurried over to take the reins from her hands as she began to hobble away toward the Chantry.

She hissed in frustration as her ankle was still tender. Honestly, the worst part about it wasn't that she'd hurt herself, but the fact it'd happened while doing something moronic. The Maker, it appeared, had a grand sense of humor. She'd managed to catch her foot in one of the rockier spots along the path from the Crossroads to Master Dennet's farm. And, shock of shocks, gave a nasty wrench to her ankle as she went down.

Closing the couple rifts and dealing with bandits and wolves between there and Master Dennet's farm then became an _excellent_ exercise in frustration. And pain. Not to mention her patience for their apostate elf friend, Solas. Friendly and amicable as the man was, getting him to _heal her damn ankle_ was apparently too much to ask. Still grumbling under her breath over the matter, the quick approach of the red-haired spymaster went unnoticed.

"El!" Leliana's bright voice cut through the dull thrum of noise in the small village. Elissa winced as her friend came up beside her. "You look terrible!" Leliana exclaimed, worry creased across her delicate brow. Immediately Leliana set about looking Elissa over, hands resting on her shoulders as her eyes scanned up and back and hit every inch of her.

With a groan, Elissa tried to wave her off. "I'm fine, it's nothing. You know I've had worse."

Leliana snorted. "Am I not allowed to worry over you? Even a little?" she chided with a slight huff.

"Not if you know what's good for you." Elissa replied, a wry grin forming on her lips. "After all, I'd hate to see your beautiful hair go grey too early."

They both laughed as Leliana helped Elissa into the Chantry and onto one of the pews that had been set aside. And, between the two of them, they managed to get her unbuckled and out of the heaviest of her armor. Letting out a sigh of relief, Elissa slumped back and closed her eyes.

"Before we meet with the others, there is something you need to see." Leliana offered a hand to help Elissa up.

As her eyes dragged open lazily, Elissa frowned at the hand. After another moment, she looked up at her friend. "You mean I need to _get up_?" she groused. With a resigned sigh, she took Leliana's offering and hauled herself up to her feet. With a hobble-step, Elissa followed Leliana to the door down to the dungeon. She shivered at the memories.

"Must we?" she asked, glaring down what felt like an impossibly long flight of stairs.

"We must," Leliana insisted, making her descent.

"Wonderful," she remarked under her breath. And with a frustrated sigh, she began her slow trip down the steps. And at the bottom followed Leliana through the dank and poorly lit hallway. This was ridiculous. Nothing was worth this. _Not. One. Thing._

At the end of the hall where the passageway opened up into a larger room, Elissa scanned the dimly lit area. Her eyes landed on a young woman, sitting in one of the cells. A closer inspection of the lithe woman revealed her elven heritage and Elissa turned to look at Leliana with raised brows.

"My agents found her snooping around the ruins of the Conclave. She offered no resistance, but she has not said anything since we brought her down here." Leliana folded her arms across her chest, lingering behind as Elissa inched forward to investigate.

Working to hide the limp in her step as she approached the cell, Elissa looked over the elven woman carefully. The quick shine of eyes in the light of the torch as the woman turned her head forced Elissa's heart to jump up toward her throat. _Shit_. She'd forgotten about that. Sucking in a few slow breaths, she steadied her thundering heart enough to address the elf.

"What's your name?"

Silence was her answer and Elissa frowned, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. Not only did she not have the time, she lacked the patience. An interrogation was not high on her priority list, and frankly neither was the meeting that she knew Leliana would drag her to after this.

"Maker's balls, I really don't have the time or patience for this," she muttered. Her gaze narrowed on the elf that sat in the cell staring at her. Impassive as ever. These elves were going to drive her up the nearest wall. Or drive her to drink more.

"Look, fine. I don't care who you are. But I need to know what you were doing snooping around the Conclave." She paused and pursed her lips. "Aside the obvious," she continued. "it's fucking dangerous. What the hell were you thinking?"

Finally, _finally_ , the elf replied.

"You _shems_ are all the same."

Elissa felt her blood pressure rising. She didn't need this. She was sick of elves like this. She'd had enough of this sort of attitude to last her a lifetime. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to be patient. To allow the elf a chance to explain herself.

"You think this war only affects you," she continued. "My clan needed to know what was happening. But I arrived too late, your Conclave was blown up and the hole formed in the sky." The elf shrugged then. "I figured I may as well investigate the aftermath to report _something_ back to my Keeper."

Shifting slightly, Elissa glanced aside at Leliana who merely offered a shrug. Slowly Elissa nodded as she turned her gaze back to the elf, who'd stood up now and leaned closer to the bars.

"Are you going to let me go now?"

Elissa crossed her arms across her chest, rocking back and forth a couple times from her heels to her toes as she thought. Frankly, she was content in the idea to simply let the elf rot in her cell for a while. But that meant having to come back and deal with her again later. Leliana wouldn't let her forget about the young woman, of that Elissa was certain. She reached a decision, blowing out a short sigh.

"Tell me your name." Her tone was sharp this time, she would brook no silence, no argument from the elf.

The elf huffed out a sigh, but she relented. "Nathra, of Clan Lavellan."

"Then welcome to the Inquisition, Nathra." Elissa's arms dropped and she stepped back, nodding at Leliana.

" _Excuse me_?" As soon as the cell door swung open, Nathra was up along Elissa's side. She stopped with a groan and looked down. "You heard me. Your clan wants to know what's going on? Congratulations, you can get front line reports. Now if you'll excuse me."

Before the elf could protest or say anything further, Elissa made her escape. Hobbling down the hallway at an awkward gait. Elissa was done caring, just as long as she could get away from more questions. And, ideally, escape before Leliana saw fit to drag her into a meeting before she had time to rest and clean up.

Elissa managed to make it up the steps and into the makeshift bedroom across from the one Josephine had claimed as her office. She noted someone had already moved the bit of her armour she and Leliana had stripped off and left by the pews. With a sigh, she sunk down on the nearest bed and laid back. Arms splayed out to either side of her, she let out another heavy sigh.

There was a shuffle near the doorway to the room. Elissa closed her eyes, scrunching up her nose in assumption it was Leliana. _Come to retrieve me for a meeting, no doubt_.

"Maker save me, Leliana, can't I have ten minutes?" She asked without sitting up,without even opening her eyes.

The footsteps halted immediately, but there was no sound. Elissa's brows furrowed as she opened her eyes, expecting to see her friend standing over her. But there was nothing. No one. Frowning now, she sat up and laid eyes on someone she did not expected.

"Oh!" she gasped. Her eyes widened as she stared at Cullen, the commander suddenly looking a bit nervous.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," he offered, quietly.

"No… no it's fine, Cullen. I, uh, I just thought you were Leliana."

He chuckled. "I gathered that."

Elissa felt her cheeks beginning to burn as she looked away. Pulling herself further up onto the bed, she propped her sore ankle up and ventured a glance at her company. He was looking at the wall behind her, gripping the pommel of the sword at his hip a bit tight. Elissa's embarrassment began to drift away as she focused more on his apparent nervousness.

"Did you need something?" she asked carefully.

"If you had a moment, Herald…"

Elissa resisted the urge to cringe. Herald. It was, by far, worse than even being called Arlessa. And there was a title she _still_ hadn't gotten used to. "You can call me El," she supplied quickly, flashing a weak smile. She glanced down, then back up again. "What's on your mind?" she prompted to his hesitance.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck idly. "You..." His voice trailed off and a moment later realization seemed to dawn on him at the implication. "N-not like that!" he corrected. A light rose color rising to his cheeks. "Not that I couldn't… but I have…"

Her eyes widened again as she stared at him, head tilting to the side ever so slightly. Like a mabari pup hearing a strange noise for the first time. She bit down on her lower lip to avoid smiling at the poor man's expense.

"Andraste preserve me," he muttered. Clearly a poor attempt at collecting his wits. "What I mean to say is you… you remind me of someone," he finally admitted.

Elissa let out a slow sigh, glancing down at the bedsheets beneath her. She'd been expecting this. She and Leliana had even already argued over it - some via letter and her friend's ravens - before reaching the decision that telling Cullen was not, indeed, vital to Elissa's function as Herald of Andraste. Or makeshift leader of whatever this merry band of misfits was.

Finally looking up again, she crooked a finger at him, calling him closer. She shifted around to make room on the bed as he approached. Cullen hesitated before sitting next to her, however. But Elissa's patience was gone, she huffed and grabbed his hand, dragging him down with some force until he had no choice but to sit or fall on top of her. Much to Elissa's great relief, he bypassed the latter option. She was entirely too tired to have a man simply fall on top of her right in that moment.

"I could say you are mistaken," she drew out after a very long pause. Her eyes focused on him, the nervousness seeming to seep away now that he'd asked his question and was seated beside her. "But I would rather not lie to the Commander of the Inquisition." A light smirk tweaked the corner of her mouth upward. The humor didn't reflect back in his expression, however. Rather, Elissa was certain he looked quite distant. And much like he'd seen a ghost.

Her poor attempt at humor failed, she looked down at her hands. "I don't like to remember it either, Cullen," she said, her voice strained and just above a whisper. "So to save you the trouble: yes, I am the one you are thinking of." _And no, we don't need to talk about it._

"Maker's breath." The words came at all but a whisper under his breath.

Elissa lifted one hand and gently set it against Cullen's shoulder. She didn't say anything when he looked over at her, simply looked down at her legs.

"I-" She started, only to be cut off by a light throat clearing at the door. Her eyes widened and both her and Cullen snapped their heads around to look at Leliana. They looked like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" she asked with a coy smile.

Elissa's hand slipped from Cullen's shoulder as he rose quickly. Leliana, however, barred his exit. She set her hands on her hips. "If you two are done, Josephine and Cassandra are waiting in the war room."

With a grunt, Elissa shifted off the bed and landed tenderly on her feet. She hissed under her breath, setting her hands on her thighs and cursing in her head. As she righted herself, she realized Cullen had outstretched a hand for her. With wide eyes she looked up at him, then down at his hand. There was a stifled giggle from Leliana.

"Blight take you, Bard," she hissed at her friend as she accepted Cullen's offer of help.

Leliana merely grinned as she lead the way to the war room. And with Cullen's assistance, Elissa made it there without incident. She thanked him quietly, leaning forward against the table as he made his way around to the other side.

Eventually the agreement was reached, much to Elissa's irritation, that she and a small group needed to go to Val Royeaux. She groaned, rubbing her forehead as Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra all filed out. Reaching for a recent report from her friend, she skimmed it over and frowned.

"Cullen?" she asked without looking up.

"Yes?"

"Do we still have scouts out by the Storm Coast? This latest report from Leliana's agents mentions darkspawn activity over here." She gestured to the spot on the map, still frowning. "Our priority should remain sealing the rifts and gathering support," she paused to reign in her annoyance. "But I'd feel better if we could get a couple patrols out there to confirm." Elissa glanced up and saw him nodding, setting another marker on the table over the spot moments later.

"There are some troops in the area I can divert right away," he added.

Drawing a hand back, Elissa scratched behind her ear thoughtfully. "If you can get Leliana to part with one of her birds, I'm certain Fergus would be willing to send soldiers to help." She glanced up to see his brows pulled together in confusion. "Sorry, Highever. Teyrn Cousland." Cullen nodded then, old Ferelden memories settling back in.

After a few more minutes, Elissa pushed herself off the table and turned to hobble for the door.

"Wait, let me help you." Cullen moved around the table, offering his arm for her to take.

This time she didn't even question it, she wrapped her hands around his arm and leaned against him as they made their way out of the war room. And mere moments later, Elissa was relieved to be back in the makeshift bedroom.

"Thank you again, Cullen, but you really don't need to go to this sort of trouble on my account." Elissa hopped up onto the bed and released a long sigh as she laid back, letting her head hit the pillow.

"It's no bother, Serah," Cullen replied with a gentle chuckle.

Elissa's brows pulled together as she sat up and leaned on one elbow. "It sounds as if someone's spent entirely too much time in the Free Marches."

He chuckled again. "This is the first I've returned to Ferelden in ten years."

" _Ten years_?!" Elissa's mouth dropped open slightly. She shook her head as she looked at him. "Maker, that's a long time to be away from home."

He frowned just a little, glancing aside. "I did not expect to return." He sighed, still keeping his eyes down. "I was… not sorry to leave at the time."

Elissa nodded slowly, it was no stretch to remember the state many were in after the Blight. Cullen was no different. Possibly worse off, the more Elissa took the time to consider it.

"Now - between the Divine's murder and the Breach - I've arrived to find nothing but chaos." He shook his head, but finally looked at her again. "I…" he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. "I never did thank you properly, for what you did back then."

"Cullen, you don't-" He shook his head, and she bit down on her tongue.

"I would be mad, or dead, without you." He ran a hand through his hair and smiled ever so slightly. "I owe you my life. Helping you will never be a burden, El."

Elissa sucked in a slow breath to calm the fluttering of her nerves. Slowly, ever so slowly, she nodded her head. But before she could even form proper or coherent words for him. Or tame the flush she was certain was spreading across her cheeks, he was excusing himself. New recruits were arriving. And, as much as Elissa desired to tag along and check them out for herself, she knew it was in her better interests to rest. Over a week's travel through Orlais to Val Royeaux would be painful enough as it was without allowing her ankle a proper chance to start mending first.


End file.
